I’m gifted. I see things before they actually happen. When this first happened it scared me. I was in North Carolina around the age of 11 and I knew before I left I was not going to ever see my great grand mother again. Within 6 months she passed away. I think this is one reason I never fulfilled my dream of becoming a doctor. I could see when people were going to expire before it actually happened. I was a candy stripper in the emergency room, while in high school. I would see patients and could automatically see who was not going to make it. As a teenager you can imagine this gift was very overwhelming. I did not understand it. As I became older, I began to accept this gift. I just accepted that information would just come to me. This became especially useful in my relationships with men I dated. Sometimes relationships hit a crossroad.
There comes a point in a relationship in which you have to leave or stay and deal. It’s nothing overt. You just know within your inner self the relationship has run it’s course. Often times I hung in there longer than I should have.
I knew my time was up the evening I woke up out of a dead sleep and I saw a woman. She was beautiful. Olive complexions. She had that Brazilian wavy hair. She was at the house of the man I was dating at the time. They wore matching leather jackets. He was that type of man who took pride in making sure his woman looked good. That’s how he expressed his love. It was weird. It was almost like my spirit was in the house looking at this woman and my “man” interact with one another in a loving way. I was crushed. How could this happen. Could I stop it from happening. I abruptly woke up out of the dream.
I could not help but to remember he was trying to block me from coming out to visit his sister-in-law who lost a dear loved one. Well when I called her days before to give my condolences, I asked if i could do anything to help. I know when you lose a loved one the last thing you think about is having to cook anything. But at the same time good food can be therapeutic. I did not mind taking out time to prepare the food that would give their family a bit of comfort. Anyway, despite Sam’s persistent discouragement to bring the food, I was determined to bring the food I had prepared. I prepared a large tray of my two award winning dishes – baked hot wings and this berry triffle cake. It must have been around May because berries were just in season and my daughter was still in school. Besides I had to find out what my dream was all about. You know how you feel when something is about to go down but you can’t quite put your figure on it.
Well, I drove an hour and a half to go and deliver this food and go and visit with Sam. It was awkward because I was in the process of my relocating and living with him. I really did not want to shack up but I figured since he asked me to live with him twice and their was discussion of marriage, maybe it was ok to give the live in thing a try. I even had clothing at his house and everything. I was just waiting for my daughter’s school to start and I was going to work in the “city” four days out of the week then live out in the country three days a week. Everything was just about set.
But when I arrived at his house I felt so awkward. I felt like I was not suppose to be there. Nothing was said out of the ordinary. I just felt like I was living out the 2nd half of my dream. I remember having sex but it was not memorable at all. It felt more like a punishment. Afterwards someone came to pick him up. I can’t remember who it was that picked him up but what I do remember the look he gave me. It was like he was saying Why are you here? Why are crowding my space. Can you just go away. I was very confused because this was the man who asked me twice to move in with him. Why was he being so distant toward me. Well I was distant too because I had a peep into the future and I was just waiting to see how everything was going to play out.
When he came back, we went to visit his sister-in-law’s house. We drove over in my car, which was weird because he typically drives his car. We visited his sister-in-law for a while. After an hour or so, he asked his niece to drive him back to the house. I thought this was a good time for me to leave as well so I could head back to the city to go to work. I told him in front of his family, well we came together so we can leave together. That seemed reasonable to me. I was always taught if you come together you leave together. He seemed a bit agitated but he saved face until we got back to the car. As I drove us back to his house, he started to yell and curse at me. And his voice became louder and louder. This was unbearable The verbal abuse became so bad I started to become very upset. I decided to stop the car. I’m not sure why I decided to stop but I did not feel safe driving at that particular moment. In the mean while, he screamed at me and told me to give him my car keys so he could drive. I was determined not about to give him my car keys. I quickly grabbed the keys from the ignition. Soon afterward he grabbed my hand so hard in an attempt to get the keys from me. I was stronger than I thought. I guess he became frustrated that I did not give him possession of my car, he left the car and headed toward to the driver’s side. I quickly locked the doors, put the key in the ignition and sped down the country lane toward his house. I could not believe this was happening to me. Or why should i be surprised. The warning signs of verbal and now physical abuse were on the wall but I ignored them or chalked them up as a temporary tantrum.
Anyway, I finally made it to his house and managed to take all my clothing and throw them in my trunk. As soon as I was safely in my car, he rolled up to his house in his niece’s truck. He quickly ran into the house. By the time he left the house again, I was gone.
It was going to be a long ride home. Work was not even on the dashboard for me. As I started down the long road home, I decided to turn around and get justice. I was convicted to file a protective order because I was afraid and violated. As I made my way back to the courthouse area, I saw him riding in a red truck. I guess he was trolling the area to see what I was going to do next.
Well my request was denied. It was denied. I almost forgot he served as a police officer in his town so he was probably able to call in a favor and have my request denied. Blue protects their own. But there was some sort of woman advocacy group in that town. I can not remember how I found out about this resource. It’s all a blur. But they essentially let me know I could file the case in the city where I lived. The pain I felt went beyond the bruise on my thigh that took months to heal, my arm with whelps or my strained muscles. I was an emotional wreck.
But before I made it out of the country, I received a call from his sister-in-law. She really wanted to me just stay at her house so I could calm down. I was so hurt physically, emotionally and mentally. I knew this was a call really to protect Sam; they could careless about me. If they cared about me they would have warned me about his violent tendencies.
Moving the clock forward a tad. About a couple of months later, the picture above was the picture of a woman Sam went to visit in Brazil. He was torn. Although he wanted to settle down with me; he did not want to give up his extra-curricular activities.